I never consciously decided to try reiki, indeed I'm not sure I'd even heard of it when I first lay down next to Barbara Ann, who was to become my regular healer and eventual teacher. I had booked my appointment thinking that reiki was, in fact, shiatsu. Don't ask me how I got them mixed up.
After a bad bout of depression in late 1998, I had been trying out different ways of living. I had discovered that the hard-work hard-play lifestyle had not made me happy. The more money I earned, the more politicking I got up to, the more sex I had, the more drugs I tried, I still felt a growing sense that my life was empty and pointless.
During a spell in The Priory, I had tried yoga and discovered a sense of peace, especially during the more meditative breathing exercises. I'd also found a cranial osteopath who seemed able to shift the chemicals around inside my brain, quite perceptibly, improving my mood with the lightest pressure.
Now, I wasn't relying exclusively on 'alternative' remedies. I was taking a strong antidepressant (Venlafaxine) and having regular therapy, but I felt that the other things I was trying were, literally, complementary.
I took up aromatherapy and even bought one or two crystals. Sceptics will claim that any effect these remedies had were 'all in the mind', but that doesn't devalue them. That was where my depression was, too. Then a friend suggested shiatsu and I thought: 'Why not give it a try?' Somehow, though, I ended up picking up a leaflet for reiki - my mind had transposed the two.
So that is how I ended up sitting cross-legged next to Barbara Ann, who began to briefly explain what reiki was. I soon realised that it wasn't the simple massage I had expected. She was talking of 'energies', 'healing' and 'the light'. She seemed to radiate pleasant feelings, and when she asked me to lie down, I thought, 'Well, I may as well give it a go.'
She placed various crystals around, and on, my body, which lay on a soft mat on the floor, my head and knees lifted slightly by small pillows. She lit some incense and put on some dreamy music. I closed my eyes. I felt Barbara Ann kneeling behind my head. She placed her fingers on my temples. I took a deep breath. It was like someone was shining a warm light into my body, through my skull, down my neck and into my chest. I took a really deep breath, then another, and my body relaxed.
These feelings and the ones that followed are not easy to describe. They are also not easy to explain. If someone had described them to me, I would have been sceptical. I don't expect to convince anyone of the power or efficacy of reiki by writing about it. It is something that has to be experienced. Part of its potency for me that first time was, I am sure, due to my not having any preconceptions about what was going to happen. My mind and body did not 'expect' a particular experience and so maybe they were more open than they otherwise would have been to what happened.
Reiki is, in layman's terms, a form of spiritual healing. Like any system of healing, different practitioners explain it in diverse ways, and I am no expert, but the bare bones of the theory are this: we are beings made of energy (so far, physics would agree), and we are connected to the universal source of energy - what some would call nature, others the universe, some God. That energy flows through us, though sometimes our consciousness and bodies create blockages, and we close off to the energy. Reiki healers channel the energy - focusing it, if you like, in concentrated form - and send it into the person being healed. There it interacts with body, mind, spirit and emotions, providing holistic healing.
Reiki is a Japanese word that is not easy to translate. The first part means spirit or soul, the second, cosmic energy (this aspect is also known as 'chi' or 'prana' in yoga). Together the word means 'God-directed lifeforce energy' (with God defined in the way relevant to you).
It is this pure, positive energy that flows through the body during reiki healing. It's hard to imagine but incredibly easy to experience. When the energy started flowing through me, it was like being bathed in warm, soft white light. It was not a subtle feeling. As Barbara Ann moved around me, placing her hands on my chest, my abdomen, my legs, bursts of the energy would ripple luxuriously through my body. My mind went to another place, ordinary humdrum thoughts were banished, and I experienced feelings I'd never felt before: of being deeply at peace, and being connected to something vast, beyond the mere me. I ceased to be conscious of the boundary of my body. I seemed to exist beyond my skin.
I later learnt that I had become conscious of my aura, the energy field that surrounds each of us. This, again, sounds farfetched, but remember the last time your lips were a few inches away from the lips of someone you love, about to kiss. You could feel them, just as sure as moments later when you actually touched. That is your aura.
In the midst of the wonder of that first reiki experience, though, there was some darkness. When Barbara Ann turned her attention to my abdomen, I felt an intense sensation of pain which grew and grew - it was quite uncomfortable. It felt almost evil. Then, whoosh, it seemed to leave my body. I could hear Barbara Ann blowing it away. Then she pressed her hands on to my body and a shaft of bright golden light filled my abdomen, filling and healing where the pain had been. I had done other therapy work which had made me believe that I stored my emotional pain, as many of us do, in my stomach. It seemed that reiki had identified that pain and removed at least a part of it.
By now I had lost track of time, as Barbara Ann moved to work on my legs. This was where the most pronounced effect occurred. As she sent the light into me, I felt my arm begin to jerk. At first I thought it was just a reaction to lying still for so long, but my breath was deepening too, in rhythm with the twitching. Eventually my arm jerked itself off the floor and was stretched fully upwards, then my other arm slowly joined it. As soon as Barbara Ann moved her hands away from my body, my arms collapsed back down to my sides.
A few moments later, my legs lifted off the floor, stretching straight up. I think Barbara Ann's hands were on my stomach again, my arms lifted too, stretching upwards to meet my legs. Only the small of my back was on the floor. Now, I have done stretches during yoga, but nothing like this. I held it for minutes, effortlessly, then suddenly relaxed, and my limbs settled back on the floor. I felt loose, alive. I had not consciously moved a muscle, and yet I could feel my muscles buzz with energy.
Barbara Ann moved to my feet and pressed firmly on their soles. What I can only describe as a cascade of bright, showering light filled my body, up my legs, through my chest and into my head, flowing out of the top of it. After about 30 seconds, Barbara Ann let go. The light subsided. Eventually I asked quietly, 'Wow, what was that?' She smiled and replied simply: 'Well, you did a lot of healing.' An hour and 20 minutes had passed.
Barbara Ann did not seek to explain more. It was unnecessary anyway. Not that it's a miracle cure. Much of the effect wears off but it leaves a residue of awareness that, over time, builds up. There's a spiritual side to reiki, too. It has mantras such as 'Just for today I will feel no anger' or 'Earn your living with integrity'. Some reiki masters believe strongly in karma, even past lives. Many believe you can heal remotely, far from the person being healed. Many others swear reiki works wonders with animals.
The point is, though, that reiki is not a belief system - it is experiential healing. You don't have to 'believe in it', or even understand it - you just have to let it do its work. And reiki can work for anyone.
Sometimes months go by when I don't think about it, let alone make time to go to a healing session. Then one day (and it last happened a fortnight ago), I will wake up and have the unmistakable urge to receive some healing. When I get that urge I always go, and the energy is always there, waiting.
The reiki stuff
Reiki healers typically charge between £25 and £50. Usually sessions last between an hour and an hour and a half.
Not all reiki healers are masters, yet they can still be very effective.
Many people find a healer through word of mouth and personal recommendation.
Some healers advertise in alternative-health magazines and on the internet (you can always ask to speak to an existing client).
Alternative health centres will sometimes have resident healers, or know of recommended ones.
Trust your own instincts about whether someone is right for you.
You can get a list of reiki practitioners in your area from: the Reiki Association, UK (01981 550 817; 01584 891 197; katejones@reikiassociation.org.uk). Visit its website at www.reikiassociation.org.uk.